Keeping a meal diary was a powerful and non-invasive way for my nutritionist to walk in my shoes for a specific time and understand my eating (and thinking) habits. By recording all my meals, drinks, and snacks, I was able to see what I was eating versus what I was supposed to be eating. This was a clever way for my nutritionist and me to be on the same page. He then made the simple but revolutionary suggestion to keep a food diary to track what I was eating. I felt like the elephant in the room- both literally and figuratively. I felt he was speaking about a different person than the person I saw in the mirror. Upon visiting my nutritionist, he conducted an in-body scan and told me my body weight was dangerously low. I wanted a solution without having to address my issues. I did not understand what she was saying as I was in denial I had a problem, to begin with. She also told me that this condition was associated with other anxiety disorders and eating disorders. She explained this as a mental health condition where a person is apprehensive about their appearance and suggested I visit a nutritionist. I told my therapist that I thought I was fat. Yet, when I see my reflection, I see somebody who is much larger than reality.
I have weighed the same since I was 12 years old, and I am currently nearing my 25th birthday.
The fear is unjustified as I was never overweight. I am afraid to eat and afraid I will gain weight. Dear Diary, I have been struggling with an eating disorder for the past few years.
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